| GM (Game Master 4 all u n00blets!!lol) |
 You awake in a foul smelling, messy room. The buzz of a computer is all you hear. What do you do? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>make bed |
| GM |
 You attempt to make bed but the GM's laziness stops you. You lose 20 million health points. What now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>search under bed |
| GM |
 Under the bed theres some....stuff....and Cooper the Plush Dog. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>pickup Cooper |
| GM |
|
You go to pick up Cooper but he wont go with you. He says "HAY DOOD WTF! YOU WANT SOMETHING? I SELL STUFF!" |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>speak "got a good selection of things on sale stranger?" |
| GM |
|
Cooper was enraged by you and decides to engage in battle... COOPER ATTACKS!  |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>run like a bitch fool! |
| GM |
 The windforce caused from your wussy ass running knocked Cooper off-balance. Cooper has lost the battle. You gain 500094849 EXP Points. Youve reached level 1.5 CONGRATULATIONS You gained the skin of Cooper and the Ruler he had under his ass. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>equip cooper skin and ruler >consume cooper's remains to restore hp >check computer |
| GM |
 You go to the computer and happen upon a Time Paradox. Your head explodes. What do you do now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>put the lampshade on & party hard |
| GM |
|
There is no lamp nor shade for lamp. What do you do now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
 Facehugger prepares to attack GM! What do you do! |
| GM |
 > Use RULER to measure FaceHugger. Facehugger's fears of inadequecy was raised by introducing measurment. Facehugger ran from battle. GM received a preteen girl harem. GM received a collapsable picnic chair. Player is still in room. Player has a ruler and the skin of Cooper warmly embracing his headless body. What do you do now? |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>get penguin with tophat |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
You don't count in this game, you're Lillico... >grab penguin with tophat and hug it. |
| GM |
 You pick up Pingu. Pingu is added to your items. DUM DA-DA-DUM!!!! You go to HUG Pingu but Pingu tells you to "BACK OFF NIGGA!". What do you do now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>use Pingu as a replacement head! |
| GM |
 You equip Pingu as your head...  NOW WHAT!? |
| Player: Trixareforchumps |
|
Regain stamina with a good night's sleep. |
| GM |
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You have insomnia, sleeping is not an option. |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
>Start looking at CP. |
| GM |
 ...this is getting us nowhere! |
| Player: Lillico |
>press mysterious button.......  |
| GM |
 THE MYSTERIOUS BUTTON ....turns the lights out. What now genius? |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>fondle self <3 |
| GM |
|
In the dark you fondle yourself when you notice youre fondling more than 2 parts at once. SPOOKY LIGHTS COME ON!  FONDLE MONSTER engages you in sexy battle! |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>tweak left cheek!! |
| GM |
FONDLE MONSTER absorbs attack. FONDLE MONSTER launches Smooch attack. Player loses 2982792929027966869892 Health Points! Critical Damage! YOU HAVE 2 HP LEFT! |
| Player: Lillico |
>use POTion  |
| GM |
|
Hey where the fuck you get that?! GM confiscates POTion. |
| Player: Lillico |
>use crack-attack  |
| GM |
|
GM is really really high... Player performs hugely illegal manuver without GM notice and destroys FONDLE MONSTER. EXP + 9393049480894 HP + 4947r484784 PNS + 338390893 width You receive CRABS.  Hey maaaaannnn, like, what now? |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
>Shave off one side of your pubic hairs, light the others on fire and stab the crabs and they run out |
| GM |
|
You mutilate your crotch NEGATIVE 989568598 HP ...but it makes no difference because those are actual Crabs [see picture]. |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
Oh. Damnit. >Search room for Hotdog with top hat. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>push button again for lights and great justice! |
| GM |
|
You search the room for a HOTGOD but he's not here. You turn the lights back on. You search again for HOTGOD now that you can see but he's still not here. DING DONG! It's been 24 hours that youve spent in this single room. The GM is feeling aggravated by the Player's stupidity. The GM suggestively shows you the door...  |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>take Zelda game >lick door knob >lick palm >turn door knob >exit room >equip smallest crab. |
| GM |
You take Zelda: Majora's Mask.  Youre unable to lick doorknob due to PINGU head having no tounge. Youre unable to lick palm due to PINGU head having no tounge. Smallest Crab equipped. You exit room into a dank hallway.  |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>walk down dank hallway being wary of gnawlins! |
| GM |
You travel perilously through the dank winding halls when suddenly you encounter... FLOATING SPECTRE! What do you do? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>cunt punt attack |
| GM |
You attempt a Cunt Punch but FLOATING SPECTRE is unaffected.  FLOATING SPECTRE speaks: "Hero, you must understand me! Youre in grave Danger! It's a TRAP!" |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>reply with "A trap you say, what sort of trap?" >search are for tarps |
| GM |
|
FLOATING SPECTRE replies: "A trap by which-" You search the ARE for TARPS. You are fail. FLOATING SPECTRE continues: "-you walk inside a giant Cat's colon." |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>thinks to self about how cats eat lizards |
| GM |
|
You try to think but fail. FAIL. FAIL. FLOATING SPECTRE raises an eyebrow, bewildered by your attempt to think.  |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>walk back to the door player came in |
| GM |
You rush to make it back out but are suddenly trapped by the GIANT CAT's swirly sphincter.  What now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
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>use smallest crab attack to try and set self free |
| GM |
|
SMALLEST CRAB was unable to affect sphincter. ...i guess you shoulda taken one of the bigger ones huh? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>cry like a bitch & then curl up to die as the path is impeeded |
| GM |
|
You have too much HP available to die. |
| Player: Lillico |
>use small crab to clip off a bit of inner-anus wall-worm.  >put anus worm in inventory >Catch shit-turd express out of infected cat anus.  |
| GM |
You obtain Digestive Tract Worm.  Youre unable to take the "express" because youre going up-stream. |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>Trudge north on foot towards Sigmoid Colon. |
| GM |
|
"I told you it was a trap. This is dangerous territory, i'll join you." FLOATING SPECTRE joins you. You Trudge for many hours past shitbergs and finally arrive in...  THE STOMACH! |
| Player: Lillico |
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>seek shelter from acid in fundic or oxyntic glands. |
| GM |
|
Youve confused the GM with your high-falutin' terms. GM sicks monster on you.  BELLY VIRUS ATTACKS! |
| Player: Lillico |
|
>_> <_< . . . . . >Throw SPECTRE @ monster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| GM |
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You throw FLOATING SPECTRE at BELLY VIRUS. FLOATING SPECTRE: "FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU!" BELLY VIRUS absorbs FLOATING SPECTRE.  |
| Player: Lillico |
|
wow it really was a trap. bet he didn't see that coming. (probably because he doesn't have eyes 9 times out of 10) thats what he gets for just joining me without asking. >offer 'screw' to belly virus. |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
Well now that we got that faggot out of the way... >SWIM AWAY!!! |
| GM |
|
You offer to "screw" BELLY VIRUS. BELLY VIRUS replies: "IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORTA JOKE!? DO I LOOK LIKE A SCREWDRIVER TO YOU!?" FLOATING SPECTRE's remains say: "FUCK YOU PLAYER! and yeah im still conscious...what do you expect...im frickin light matter!" You attempt to swim away. BELLY VIRUS ATTACKS FOR REAL NOW! -3500000 HP Stomach Acids affect you. -10 DEF |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>search AREA for possible entry & exit points, weapons, and anything else that could be usefull |
| GM |
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The way you came in has been tightly locked by the gastric sphincter. The other way seems to be blocked by something...  Theres some half digested beetle flaoting around your knees. |
| Player: Choas-lord |
|
>fuck half digested beetle in his ass. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> if the ass part is already digested then just fuck the open part and cum inside it then throw that at the belly monster! |
| GM |
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You attempted to rape the half digested Beetle. Your sexual organ melted off when exposed to the stomach acids. Youre now Asexual.  BELLY VIRUS insults your sexuality. Pride -999999. Your pride is dead. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>demand that belly virus prove it's sexuality is better >attempt to climb on belly virus and ride it over to open the exit |
| GM |
|
You attempt to... BELLY VIRUS uses DRAMATIC ZOOM attack!  -7 HP! Stomach Acid affects you, -383836783 HP. Your Pride is unable to defend you from a Nipple Rash. Nipple Rash affects you, -27 NP. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> throw half digested and attempted fucked beetle at zoomed in face of belly virus |
| GM |
You throw half digested Beetle at BELLY VIRUS.  BELLY VIRUS suffers massive damage! BELLY VIRUS -8 HP! BELLY VIRUS is stunned. GM is in awe of your upper body strength. You receive +2 Pride. Your Pride is revived from dead. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>repeat car throw and get the point across to belly virus that I'll fuck him up if he doesn't back off |
| GM |
 You throw half digested Beetle at BELLY VIRUS. You tell BELLY VIRUS that "I MEAN BUSINESS HERE BITCH!". BELLY VIRUS is unaffected by your threat though as he is unconscious. FLOATING SPECTRE leaves BELLY VIRUS and flies away.  ...also i think youre getting smaller or melting or something....better hurry up. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>bust the motherfucker (motherfucker as in the belly virus that has been pissing me off for the last few days) in half (he looks like a screwdriver stuck in something) and use the screwdriver to unscrew the screw looking thing >check beetle trunk for toolkit that has a screwdriver (the trunk is in the front and the engine is in the back (if memory serves me well) and unscrew the exit >get the fuck out of the acidic stuff and take a rest |
| GM |
|
< Success. Youre now on your way up out of the stomach. < That was the original Beetle, the new one has the engine in the front and isnt economical at all. New Beetle is purely making a profit on the popularity of the similar design. < After a slippery climb up the esophagus you arrive at the mouth.  |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
doesn't player get some experience points, hp back, and some levels gained or something? I feel un something or other about that victory over belly virus and need to feel good about myself >pull up menu and check skills/inventory |
| GM |
|
You didnt defeat BELLY VIRUS, you only knocked him unconsious and broke him in half. (As a virus he breaks in half on a regular basis.) Inventory check-  Yo skillz though is not available dawg. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>equip zelda game and beat the fuck out of those tonsils |
| GM |
You Attack GIANT CAT's tonsil with LoZ:Majora's Mask!  MASSIVE DAMAGE!!!!! TONSIL RETURNS AN ATTACK, in co-operation with TOUNGE!  ALSO MASSIVE DAMAGE!!!!! Player -5 thousand HP. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>use the ruler in the other hand to attack that shit, fuck that tonsil up, like chop it off or something |
| GM |
The ruler has no cutting ability.  Your foolish playing around with GIANT CAT's gag reflex has summoned up 2 BELLY VIRUS. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>run down and out of the mouth into the outside! |
| GM |
Youre out!  ...and falling fast! ACT QUICK PLAYER! BEFORE YOU END UP STREET ART! |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>use cooper skin as a parachute, by holding onto the arms and having the mouth open it will server to land me real nice like |
| GM |
 Success. You land safely.  GIANT CAT faces off with you! |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>zap that pussy with the zelda game! |
| GM |
 You shoot GIANT CAT with Majora's Mask. GIANT CAT is unaffected. GIANT CAT responds...  GIANT CAT's kick deals MASSIVE damage! Player -3 Lives. What now!? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>shoot the cat again, only this time shoot it in the eyes >search AREA for stuff like weapons, hidey places, entrances, exits, and various other rpg shit |
| GM |
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You already shot the cat in its one good eye.....but you shoot again. And he kicks your ass again... Player -3 lives and a chicken. You're unable to search the Area while engaged in battle. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>put the ruler and the crab in the cats eye by loading them into the zelda game lazer thingie and shooting them out of it |
| GM |
|
Pft, you cant combine items in this RPG! What do you think this is? Kingdom of Loathing or some shit? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>unplugs the console from the wall and beat the gm with it |
| GM |
|
Player hits herself with console until she collapses. Player is unconscious. Player loses 3 lives and 9289393782 HP. Player gets raped by wolverines while sleeping. Player is dead. Would you like to start again from last savepoint? |
| Player: conqueso |
>> ike joins the RPG in the form of futs! he is pissed that no one told him there was an RPG going on the site, and gives the GM the finger. he then spits on the giant pissed cat monster thing... he also gives it the finger. just for effect.  |
| GM |
|
The player entering a character is illegal action. Futs is confiscated. As punishment, Futs power is added to GIANT CAT.  |
| Player: conqueso |
|
ike is again pissed, and again gives GM the finger (the middle one, not the pleasant kind). >throw medium sized crab into the right ear of giant bitchy cat thing. >run like hell (as hell can, in fact, run). |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
Can we play a different game? This rpg doesn't have enough steak &/or rockin to keep me interested now. |
| Player: conqueso |
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word. >load from last save point already. |
| GM |
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Player loads from last s-s-s-s-sAAAAAAAAA0101010111010101001 HAXTRIX wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii k-raD!  LOADING FROM LAST SAVE POINT SUCCEEDED AT FAILING. WWWWHATNOW? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>how about we put in a different cartridge? |
| GM |
|
NEW?!! CARTRIDGE!?!@@ 4th WALL IS BREAKING!wtf83y 4th wall reassembles itself. Save point created. Save point loaded. Player  's NES game in 4th wall excretion.  GIANT CAT BATTLE CONTINUES AS PREVIOUSLY PLANNED! cmon you can do it! |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>use new cartridge to blast that cigarette into the cats mouth (setting the cancer it gets from smoking on fire inside of it and enraging it's internal viruses and parasites?) |
| GM |
|
Belly Virus Adventures cart has no laser blasting capabilities (Majora's Mask is special). |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>use the ruler to defeat the cat? |
| GM |
 GIANT CAT is measured to be a foot wide. GIANT CAT is no longer giant. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> beat that motherfucker to death with the ruler! |
| GM |
 You smack cat with ruler. Cat -500 HP.  Cat scratches you. Player -50 HP. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> blast cat with majora's mask cart since it's not so big anymore, and kick it a few times to get the point across while your at it |
| GM |
 You attack with Majora's Mask for MASSIVE DAMAGE! Cat is fatally wounded!  Cat is dead! Yayz. Player 's nothing. You're in a kitchen (if you hadn't already noticed). |
| Player: conqueso |
|
> poke the thing on the counter to see what it is. > see if bar stool can be added to inventory. > open cabinets for further investigation. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>take that police beating weapon the cat had when player blasted it in midair, that will make for a nice beatdown tool |
| Player: conqueso |
|
those were lights, but take them anyway. also take the dead cat. |
| GM |
 It's a half eaten, double decker, ham & mayonaise sandwich. Barstool is too large to add to inventory...what the hell you want a stool for anyways bozo!?  Cabinet. Police weapon? Player loses 89 Skill points for being a retard. Take the lights!? Lets round that Skill loss up to 90 points.  Dead Cat is added to inventory. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
man look at all them goodies in the food closet! >make a meal out of some of that stuff & the dead cat! |
| GM |
You try to form a food out of Dead Cat and stuff from the cabinet.  There are now 2 half eaten, double decker, ham & mayonaise sandwiches (except one, maybe two, are made of cat ham). |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>eat the rest of them, both of them, we've had some long battles and need those hitpoints back don't we? |
| GM |
|
the HP is meaningless. If you want to gain back some meaningless points you lost you can but i wouldnt advise it. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
well no shit but having a gut full of dead cat does mean something! |
| GM |
|
soooo.......eat some sammich? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
ya |
| GM |
|
k ....both of em? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>yes eat both of them! |
| GM |
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*sigh* k. Player eats both sandwiches. Player gains 2 HP. What now? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>eat more food |
| GM |
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Theres only condiments and spices left to eat. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
thats okay, just take the caps and lids off the bottles, it's not like this is EARTHBOUND where you have to put that shit on real food >consume condiments and spices |
| GM |
 Player eats condiments and spices and whatnot. Player gains 0.5 HP. |
| Player: conqueso |
|
>add camera to inventory. |
| Player: Snakeman |
>removes batteries from gm's strapless strapon dildo and puts them in camera!  |
| GM |
|
GAME UNPAUSED Cant take Mac & Cheese....it's the GM's dinner. Chili (with beans) added to inventory.  No you cant carry a barstool around........you savage. Stove turned on for no apparent reason.  TURNIN 'ROUND!  |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>stop spinning and see what entrances and exits there are for the kitchen |
| GM |
pft fine, heres a non-spinny one, mister i-cant-see-stuff-when-its-spinning-and-whatnot.  pansy |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> turn the stove off > then go in that room! |
| GM |
 SUDDENLY, WITHOUT WARNING, A STRUB! |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>grab fire extinguisher (add to inventory) >ask wiiaboos to gtfo of the way |
| GM |
teh gain.  teh wiiaboo does not reply. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
> take the remote from the wiiaboo |
| GM |
|
You go to take the remote but find that its a tv screen (static, duh). Player, youre starting to feel queezy....all that food you ate is gonna burst out your pooper. WHAT NOW!? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>shit in pants! |
| GM |
|
GM wont be making a picture of that so i suggest you come up with a better option. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>piss and shit in pants! |
| Player: conqueso |
|
>turn the stove back on. >kill the next dick who undermines one of my actions. i wanted to keep that cat carcas, you ass! >using remote, change channel to one where you don't have to take a screaming painful cat sandwich dump. |
| GM |
|
-I never actually turned the stove off cuz i just dont care. -*saves command for future* -what the fuck are you talking about? |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
We should work together. You can make player eat my fire extinguisher if it makes you feel better. |
| Player: conqueso |
|
oh, right. i thought we took the remote, i didn't know we'd reached for the tv screen and made fools of ourselves when our hands when "blink" off of it. um... >instead of eating fire extinguisher, throw it through the tv in the hopes it will open a new way out. could be one of those... psycadelic... through the looking glass type thing. i mean, we did disobey several laws of physics by coming out of a cat that was smaller than us. |
| GM |
|
Not physics destroying....optical illusion. You throw the fire hydrant at the screen and it breaks.  SPACE! ....ok now we're disobeying physics.  You goes into space. You manage to catch the fire thingeh before it drifts away despite not commanding this action [retard suspension was initiated a couple turns ago in secret]. Player your bowels are at 2% lock capacity. Youre going to shit yourself very soon if you don't do something. |
| Player: Snakeman |
|
>shit your pants in space! |
| GM |
 You shit yourself. -inf Pride. Pride is destroyed. Player dies of dehydration.  |